It Is Finished!
Y’all, life has been hard lately. I’ve been student teaching in Houston, Texas this semester and it has definitely brought some challenges. I was teaching in 5th grade for eight weeks, and now have been teaching high school Spanish for the last five weeks. Recently, student teaching and the edTPA (my assessment portfolio to get certified to teach) have definitely gotten the best of me. Sunday, April 7th, I had a mental breakdown. I called my mom sobbing and explained to her that I don’t want to be a teacher anymore. I was ready to say “forget it” to the whole college thing. I’m sick of feeling like I have to prove myself every single day in the high school classroom and even further prove my ability to teach to some stranger who will grade my edTPA. Clearly, this pressure to prove myself has gotten to me more than I’d like to admit. Thankfully, my mom doesn’t put up with my crap. She’s able to comfort me and encourage me to open my Bible and spend time with my Creator. (Thanks Mom!)
Anyways, I decided to do some reflecting on the crucifixion. I know, I know you’re probably thinking “gosh Danielle that’s not the most uplifting and encouraging story to read when you’re in the midst of a mental breakdown.” And you’re right, it’s not. BUT as I was reading through John 19, I couldn’t help but stop and reflect on the words that Jesus muttered, “it is finished”. Just stop for a second, think about it. It is finished. Jesus finished it. What does that mean you may ask? Well folks, it means that I don’t have to prove myself. I don’t have to continue to have this internal battle with myself questioning my worth and purpose. It is finished. Jesus died for me (spoiler to John 20: and he rose for me). He loves me. And that’s the ONLY thing that matters. Not what my students think of me. Not what score I get on the edTPA. The Savior of this world loves me. And guess what, I don’t have to prove it to anyone. You don’t have to prove it to anyone either. You are loved. You are worthy. It is finished.
I think that sometimes we like to gloss over the hard parts of the Bible. We want to skip past John 19 and dive right in to John 20. I’ll be the first to admit, it’s hard to read about our Savior being brutally beaten, humiliated, belittled, and hung on a cross to die. But I also think that there is something wonderful that happens when we sit in the truth of the crucifixion. Jesus went through all of this so that we wouldn’t have to. As gruesome as it is, it’s the most beautiful love story of all time. Allow yourself time to sit in the heaviness of Good Friday. It is finished. Lucky for us, we know that John 20 is coming. Sunday will come, and we will once again be face to face with our Savior. But I encourage you, don’t just skip over John 19 this Good Friday. Take time to reflect and remember the greatest act of surrender and love of all time. It is finished! (PS: I still want to be a teacher when I grow up, sometimes you just gotta cry ya know?)